It happened shortly after I published my last post. I was successfully doing homework (I was very productive that night) and had to print something. Unfortunately, my attempts at plugging in my printer resulted in me knocking over my bong, which was on the floor, on carpet.
After knocking it over, I let out a short gasp, then felt relieved when I only saw some water and glass on the floor.
It was then that I saw a shard or two of glass.
The gasp that came out of my mouth was quite ghastly and surprised and strained.
I felt miserable. The part that broke is the part that holds the stem up. Fortunately my bong is very usable still, even if I hadn't used a bandaid to fix it. I will buy super glue and attempt to piece this little gem back together.
It will be okay, it will be okay, I want to tell myself, as I rock my body back and forth and rub my hands together like someone coming off a coke binge (not that I would know what that feels like).
Anyway, I'm on an incredible sleep deficit right now. It happens every week. The past thirty days I have pulled at least 4-5 all nighters, if not more. If I am lucky, I can get more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night. No naps, either. It is completely miserable.
Typically I get one day a week of sleeping in, which is Saturday night to Sunday afternoon. I had a huge essay due today, so I straight read my books from 3 pm-2 am Monday night. Which is the night that I broke my sexy bong.
On Tuesday I woke up at 6 am after a four hour slumber because I had a hefty amount of Chinese homework due at 10. I did something pretentious and rather sophisticated, which was go to Peet's in the early AM. It was nice to be the youngest person there and feel comfortably invisible. All around me were older people having sophisticated talk. Three men nearby talked about the girlfriends of their younger lives. They were not vulgar at all. One man talked about how, no matter how fun a crazy, adventurous chick is, she will bore you after a few short years -- it is best to settle down with a nice girl. How nice! (I went to Starbucks today, by the way. Why is it that younger people hang out at Starbucks and older people hang out at Peet's?)
I had lunch with Felicia and went grocery shopping with her. Then we went to the library for god knows how long. I managed to finish both of my books and write an outline of my essay. I was so tired. My face felt like it was falling off and it was a real labor just to understand simple things. I was in bed by 12:30 am and felt as though I were about to have a psychological breakdown. My body hated me, but my mind was racing. It was the stress. I felt like screaming.
Fortunately I fell asleep, and my alarm woke me up at 4 am this morning. Writing my essay was painful, and I am disappointed in my quality of work because I know I could have done much better, and was forced to leave out much of what I had planned in my outline due to time constraints. So my essay probably seems messy, unfinished, and careless. But I turned it in.
I went to the bookstore to study (more like, I lost one of my books that I had bought for CHN 106, so I go to the bookstore and illegally study there by using their books). As I was walking among the shelves I felt incredibly sick. I felt lost in a white haze and felt my body starting to sway. Was I going to faint? I grabbed hold of one of the shelves and stood there for a good thirty seconds, allowing my body to come to. Then came incredible nausea. My head was pounding and had the strangest sensation. I don't really know how to describe it, except it felt like there was straight murk in my brain, swirling around in madness. I could almost hear it, it seemed.
I paid careful attention not to vomit on the girl in front of me, because I literally thought I was going to. I also felt utterly confused; I didn't know where to find my book. Skipping class was not an option as I had a mandatory quiz to take (quizzes sum up 50% of my class grade, and I am doing poorly in this class). Well, no, I'm not crazy. I realize that this dramatic effect on my health is enough reason not to go to class, quiz or no quiz. But I sat down after finding my book and started feeling much better and more normal. I ended up going to class and it wasn't horrible. I don't regret going.
I went home and slept, not setting an alarm, but woke up at 7, rather disappointed as I had only been asleep for 4 hours, and couldn't fall back asleep. That was fine though, as I am now awake since then and have plenty of schoolwork to do by tomorrow. I feel good, despite a pounding headache. I will try to get more sleep tonight.
I realize that this post was quite boring and rather pointless. However, I suppose I'm trying to cognitively tell myself I need to plan things better. I could benefit from utilizing my weekends better. At the same time, I feel I deserve to have some fun on the weekend. I could also work less, but I really don't work that much anyway, and I really need the $$$.
I've already decided not to do my internship this quarter. I can hardly fit it into my schedule anyway, so that makes sense. It also seems as though I won't be able to do my triathlon in April. At first, this idea killed me, but after the past few insufferable weeks, I think this is only fair to my body and mind. I can't afford to train right now, although I will try to hit the gym when I can still, or else I will go BONKERS.
I'd like to think my body and mind can endure anything, but in truth I'm only human and need to take myself less seriously!! Really, though, I looked utterly horrible today. I looked like Satan. I have never seen myself look so ugly. My skin was fucked up, blotchy, and dehydrated looking and my eyes were red. My hair looked drab. My mind, in a haze.
We are mid-quarter already, and the quarter is only going to get more lethal. I have finals in a month. That idea is crazy to me. I only have one more year of college left, but it seems I still haven't adjust to the insane quarter system.
I was so psyched to take humanities only courses this quarter, but I find that these classes are keeping me even more busy than the math/science classes I used to take. (This makes sense due to the insane amount of reading and writing I have to do for COM 135, but also because I care so much more this quarter about my grades and my major than I ever did about science and math.)
So I am tired and undernourished, sleeping in 2 to 4 hour cycles, and as a result, unhappy and agitated. Still confused about my future, still a pothead. Whatever, I will get over it. Resilience is key, bouncing back and proving yourself wrong is crucial. (Do you sense a contradiction here? I do.)
I am choosing my classes for next quarter tomorrow, and will be more careful in my planning.