Monday, August 9, 2010

Birds of prey

I have been encouraged to write in this more, so I will try although at times it seems a lost cause.

I'm at work right now and feel as though my computer activity is being watched by hawks... but I have a lot on my mind.

Item One is my recent (as in the past year, that I have begun to address) realization of my mother's loneliness that has been the pit of my weakness and the source of my guilt. I have been her punching bag and she has not unbolted me.

Item Two is that I will unbolt myself. I will let go of all this negative energy. That might be impossible but I can already picture on paper, a dark cloud leaving my body. I will not even blame anyone. I will not even blame myself. I will just trash it.

Just now, just an hour ago, I was walking around outside (on Market St. in the Financial District) minding my own damn business when I locked eyes with a man in business attire. I could not look away due to the strange nature of his walk and the intense expression on his face... As he walked past, he said something completely sick and depraved to me.

The most regular looking man with such a complexly disturbed mental interior... There are vultures out there.

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